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But in talking about how awful heterosexual gender dynamics can be, the conversation took a tired turn I've heard too many times. I hear it from straight women at work, in my family, in my friend groups, and on TV. Usually I just chuckle and nod a little in moments like these because, yeah, sometimes men are downright terrible. But inside my head, my chuckle is more like a sarcastic "Ha!
Let me, your friendly neighborhood lesbian, tell you a secret: Dating women isn't exactly a walk in the park, either I mean, except for those dates when I was literally walking in a park. Just like men, women have their downfalls. Some women ghost other women. Some are pushy about sex. Some are manipulative. Some are misogynistic. Whatever terrible behavior you're ready to write off men for exhibiting, it's almost a guarantee that there's a woman out there who's done it, too.
I know because I've dated a few of them. Plus plenty of terrible first dates with women who stared at their phones instead of, you know, actually talking to me. It's not just that I have terrible luck though it definitely felt that way for a while. My queer friends have also had bad experiences dating other women. I'll show you a good time," it read. Her phone held dozens of similar messages, and the woman only stopped harassing Zoe when she was no longer single. So, no, dating women isn't as easy-peasy as straight women seem to think. But I get why they sometimes wish they could give up on men.
They're tired of men being confusing, misogynistic, emotionally uninvested, and sometimes just plain gross — and that's totally understandable. There's no question that misogyny is more rampant among straight, cisgender meaning: Still, I wish straight women wouldn't say things like, "I wish I could just date women. The cost: HER is free to download and there are no in-app purchases. Fem Fem stands out by encouraging users to submit video, so you're better protected from catfishing.
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Being catfished is one of the most common horror stories across all online dating platforms, but is especially an issue for lesbians with creepy men lurking and trying to pass as women. No thanks. While requiring a Facebook approval is one way to combat the straight men, another way is to require a video instead of pictures, which is the unique route that Fem takes. Fem encourages users to introduce themselves with video profiles as way to be personal right off the bat and you'll get to hear their voice before meeting IRL, which is a nice touch. Some of us are too shy for videos raises hand , so Fem doesn't require it, and you can just post your best selfies instead.
As of now, it's pretty foolproof. Aside from the video aspect, Fem has most of the average features that you'd expect on any dating app and operates about the same, so there's no weird learning curve. The videos. Fem also has a unique tool called "Rooms" where users can chat in a variety of different groups, send selfies, or talk about some deep shit.
Being a lesbian can be lonely, especially if you're not out yet or are having a time making non-straight friends, and Fem gives an awesome opportunity to expand your circle and meet women with similar experiences. The bummers: Because it's relatively new and has experienced some technical difficulties, Fem has a small user database and doesn't show people based on location, so women you meet might not be from your area.
Fem is free to download and there are no in-app purchases. OkCupid With its matching technology and large dating pool, OkCupid is great for queer women. Basic account that includes messaging: Free A-List Basic: Our favorite of the non lesbian-specific options, OkCupid has truly upped its queer game in the last few years. As one of the biggest dating apps in America with extensive user profiles, OKCupid gives you a large dating pool and offers opportunities to find a lasting connection.
Similar to traditional players like eharmony or Match , OKCupid has in-depth user bios and sets of questions, making the setup process slower than its counterparts. What's great about this though is that you can be more sure that you're connecting over more than just thinking the other person is hot. It does use swiping like Tinder , but you have a lot more to go off of than just their picture and a quote from The Office as a bio.
OkCupid is a more serious space, and most users are genuinely using their bios to attract lasting connections.
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One thing that makes OkCupid more relationship-y is that matches are shown based on the percentage of things you had in common in the questions you answered — aka it doesn't just show you every random person in your vicinity who happens to have the same page liked on Facebook. It's not perfect, but it'll help meeting in person go a lot smoother. As their slogan says, "Dating deserves better. OkCupid started out focusing solely on straight people, but has experienced an awesome queer-friendly revamp in the past years, with an expansion to 12 sexual orientations and 20 gender identities in Those who steered clear of online dating in the past due to a lack of inclusive language can now be themselves and find kindred souls without conforming to labels.
OkCupid has also been around forever, and since it's a trusted name means that it has a robust lesbian following. The massive pool may be overwhelming, but it's ideal if you who want lots of options but would rather die than use Tinder. OkCupid is free to register and download, and the most basic features that you'll need messaging, matching, etc. There are two monthly subscriptions as well: Plenty of fish.
Plenty of Fish Plenty of Fish has a large user base and its questionnaires help you find someone you'll have chemistry with, but it's not bisexual-friendly. Basic membership with everything you need: Free Premium membership with extra features: One of the first dating websites to launch ever , Plenty of Fish is one of those sites that everyone has heard of and is likely the first place people go to if they're not into the Tinders of the world.
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While the registration process requires some pretty heavy duty question answering, it's only because POF wants to help you find actual chemistry. They're a trusted name for a reason. POF's advertising isn't as aimed toward the younger crowd as OkCupid's "Hey, we're gay" billboards are, so POF's audience is slightly skewed with a more mature audience. Plenty of Fish is one of the older sites out there, and its aesthetic honestly looks like it hasn't been updated since The website isn't very intuitive or nice to look at, but we'll ignore that the iOS and Android apps are much better looking than the desktop version.
The matchmaking process is super in-depth: Aside from the usual questions about age, height, body type, etc.
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Of course, you'll also write a bio and add pictures as well. Our point? They really want to get to know you. Launched in just a year before OkCupid , Plenty of Fish has been an extremely strong player in the online dating game and has one of the highest number of daily users over 3. Chemistry is the name of the game here, and the multiple questionnaires are no joke. This isn't a quick five-second set up like other apps, as POF truly wants you to dig deep so that they can give you the best quality matches.
Not only does POF attempt to match you with people who you'll statistically get along with based on answers to questions, it also wants to match you with people who are looking for the same thing as you. In the "meeting goals" section, you'll specify whether you're looking for something long term, looking to date but nothing serious, etc.
That's eliminating awkward "What are we" conversations and setting you up for success by pairing you with people with similar priorities. T he bummers: It's not bisexual friendly. Bisexual erasure is one of the most common letdowns we've seen across any dating site. A site with the M. Somehow, this isn't hurting POF's numbers at all, but it's something to consider if you're looking for both. POF is free to register and most of the must-have features are free, which is rare. Hinge Hinge will help you get to know the other person more deeply than any new app has attempted.
Basic Features: Free More Matches Per Day: We'll start off by saying that Hinge refers to itself as the "The Relationship App," but our personal favorite self-proclaimed nickname is the "anti Tinder. Instead of basing matches solely off location, Hinge takes your Facebook and will only match you with friends of friends.
So if you're tired of meeting really weird randos who are not who they say they are , Hinge wants to aid in pairing people who have mutual friends. You scroll and judge people off of pictures and small bios like you would on Tinder or Bumble, but it doesn't deserve to be thrown in the "sketchy hookup app" category. Hinge's recent makeover that caused it to explode with popularity brings a professional new look to previously swipe-only dating apps.
It's literally like scrolling through Instagram, and there are no dead ends from a wrong swipe.
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Hinge's CEO Justin McLeod has said that it's like "Instagram profiles for dating," and that beta testing has seen five times more conversation that it did when Hinge was a swiping app. Not swiping one by one is seriously nice if you're making the jump from Tinder, and seeing a few matches in your daily batch gives you more time to consider options without making split decisions. Hinge requires Facebook syncing and imports things like pictures, last names, as well as relationship status as a way to weed out cheaters or straight couples looking for threesomes.
To avoid people swiping at the speed of light and going through everyone in their area in an hour, Hinge starts out by only giving you seven matches per day.
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That can increase to 15 if you invite more friends to use the app, but this is Hinge's way of slowing down the process and making it less about finding a quick hookup. Aside from a bio, every user answers icebreakers that are featured on their profiles, giving anyone who wants to message them an easy in at thinking of a creative and relevant opening line. AKA you won't have to text a screenshot to your friends asking if your first message to someone is okay.
Hinge wants to encourage more early conversation, which in turn leads to more meeting IRL. While Hinge started out as an app that shows you Facebook friends of friends, their algorithm has been getting smarter and smarter, and is now able to surpass friends of friends as a predictor of compatibility — so you won't be matched with someone horrendous just because you know the same person.
Rather, Hinge will help you get to know the other person more deeply than any new app has attempted, by revealing answers to juicy personality questions and detailed information like future plans, religion, and vices. Seems like a pretty good recipe for a strong connection past looks, right?
Plus, because you have a mutual connection, a double date with your mutual friend and someone else is a fun and not-so-nerve-wracking way to meet for the first time and could get things off the ground faster. Unlike Tinder and Bumble, which seem to have a broken gaydar, Hinge won't throw random guys into your feed when you've selected women only. The exclusivity is definitely annoying, but Hinge's encouragement to actually talk to the other person to find out information gives you a way to smooth out discrepancies right off the bat.